Kevin Allman

The funniest novel I've read this year

...is Winner of the National Book Award, by Jincy Willett. (Yes, that's the title.)

I picked it up because Willett showed up on that New York magazine list of The Best Writers You've Never Read, which was dead-on in this case. The back cover had blurbs from the likes of David Sedaris, Tom Perrotta, and Augusten Burroughs ("the funniest novel I have read...ever"). The phrase "laughing out loud" has been seriously devalued in our LOL world, but twice in the first 20 pages I had to stick my finger between the pages to keep from losing my place as I shook from laughter.

What's it about? Well -- middle-aged twins. Abigail is the town pump and accused murderess whose story has just been told in a cheapjack true-crime book; Dorcas is her mordant sister, the town librarian who is leafing through the book while awaiting Hurricane Pandora. That's it. And it's hilarious.

Willett's website, "I Would Not Burn the Library of Alexandria For You," is just as funny; her sales page is called "Buy Something, You Cheap Chiseler," and it has the best author biography ever:

Who is Jincy?

An aging, bitter, unpleasant woman living in Escondido, California, who spends her days parsing the sentences of total strangers and her nights teaching and writing. Sometimes, late at night, in the dark, she laughs inappropriately.

I half-love Jincy Willett, and I'm quite sure the sentiment is not reciprocated, which makes me love her even more.

"What's more important than Paris Hilton?"

From today's online chat with Washington Post reporter William Booth:

Q. Why do reputable news organizations continue to give this lead coverage? Obviously, ratings is the dominant factor. What are the chances that collectively media could band together and agree not to give (dominant) coverage to such superficial things as Paris Hilton when there are so many more pressing things.

William Booth: Name three and I'll post em.

Translation:

Q. We hate how you decide what's news.

A. You don't find us wildly amusing?

Q. No.

A. Next question.

Nancy Grace's DNA to continue; world shudders

The New York Post's Michael Starr has the exclusive:

NANCY Grace is revealing that she was secretly married in April -- and that she's expecting twins in January....

"We got married in April in Atlanta with just my family and his family there," she says. "It was a simple ceremony conducted by my longtime pastor from a little Methodist church in Macon.

"I walked down the aisle to my favorite song, 'Moon River,' and I did my own vows. I read from the Book of Ruth and I wore my sister's bridal veil.

"I never thought it would happen like this," she says. "I thought 'mother' and 'wife' was just not part of God's plan for me.

"This is such a blessing, and I just can't believe that, at my age, I would find such happiness."

I doubt you can either, Nancy.

PDX SCRIBE SPAT: "SORRY ABOUT THAT"

The word-war slapfight between the folks at Willamette Week and the Portland Mercury went to DefCon2 over the weekend on both papers' blogs (yes, the inside-journalism term "butt monkeys" was thrown around), with neither side seeming to be willing to back down...but now WWeek has issued an apology/clarification of sorts, posted to its blog by its Web editor Ian Gillingham.

Theater critic Ben Waterhouse, whose original post began the brouhaha, amplifies Gillingham in the comments section of the apology/clarification:

I didn't intend, in my unfortunate post, to give anyone the impression that I believe Alison Hallett to be stupid or unprofessional enough to deliberately imitate my copy, and I figured the Wonder Twins comment made that clear. Obviously, it didn't. The similarities in our reviews are probably the product of synchronicity, and I'm sorry my flippant post came across as a serious accusation of intellectual malfeasance....

Call me Criswell, but somehow I don't think this is the end of this.

Beastfeeding

A new perspective on cockfighting

Richard at Metroblogging New Orleans caught this one, from today's Times-Picayune:

BATON ROUGE -- Gambling at cockfighting should be illegal as of Aug. 15, the House said Thursday as the debate on when to end the centuries-old practice moved one step closer to a resolution....

"If you want to have cockfighting, then have cockfighting if you go there for a social experience," said Rep. Danny Martiny, R-Kenner, who handled Lentini's bill on the House floor. "But there should not be wagering in front of 4-year-olds."

Copy catty

Over at Willamette Week, theater critic Ben Waterhouse is claiming similarities between one of his reviews and one penned by Alison Hallett, theater critic for the Portland Mercury. Over at the Mercury, Hallett doesn't see it.

Ben's review; Alison's review. Ben's statement; Alison's statement.

(Disclaimer: Ben is an acquaintance; I've never met Alison.)

I didn't see a huge similarity between the two pieces beyond the opening line of each, so I ran them both through Copyscape. Copyscape came up empty, too (though it can only match phrases, not tonal, structural, or stylistic similarities).

Though if I was Hallett's editor, I'd care less about the particulars of the review than I would the fact that it appeared eight days after the competition.

Edited to add: At the moment this post is on the front page of Oregonlive.com. For the record, I didn't write the headline accompanying it.

When tabloids collide

Tim Hanrahan of the Wall Street Journal's Washington Wire noted yesterday's covers of the New York Post and the New York Daily News, Gotham's perpetually feuding tabs:

As you can see, the Post went with "Bill and Hill," while the News preferred "Hill and Bill."

And in the News, "Mike's" move was "big," while in the Post it was just a plain old ordinary move.

Organic, all-natural, and dolphin-safe

GOOD magazine is out with its Media issue, which is filled with stuff that is, well, good -- from The 51 Best* Magazines Ever to an examination of the state of TV news. But the article (actually, a charticle) that grabbed my attention was "You Are What You Read," a funny and informative look at food labeling. Some of the high points:

What it says: ORGANIC
You think it means: Heaven-sent manna, completely devoid of any synthetic or artificial substance
It actually means: Not as artificial as it could be

What it says: ALL NATURAL
You think it means: From the earth’s very bosom, unadulterated by the foul hand of man
It actually means: Less “natural” than organic, making it about as natural as polyester

What it says: NOT ANIMAL TESTED
You think it means: The makers of this toothpaste or mascara product would never hurt a fly, let alone a rabbit
It actually means: “Cruelty-Lite,” but not quite “Cruelty-Free”

The most illuminating quote comes from a scientist and former tuna-boat observer, who says: “When I shop in the U.S., I don’t even always look for the dolphin-safe label. Pretty much all the tuna on the supermarket shelf is dolphin-safe.”

Read Sam Schwartz' whole article and find out why.

She literally exploded

"Pan-fried." "Serving suggestion." "First invented by."

It's not available in the USA yet, but I'm anxious to read She Literally Exploded: The Daily Telegraph Infuriating Phrasebook, a sort of Devil's Dictionary for our times, compiled by Christopher Howse and Richard Preston. From the publisher:

What phrase enrages you most? "How are you spelling that?" perhaps, or, "issues around"? When the question came up in the Letters page of The Daily Telegraph, hundreds of readers nominated the ones they loathed, and thousands more were posted on line. Provoked beyond endurance, Christopher Howse and Richard Preston compiled The Infuriating Phrasebook, drawing on written and spoken insults to the intelligence from television, radio and the press.

God, I hope they have my own bête noire (note: not "my own personal bête noire") -- "most unique." Though I did see one for the ages last week (and it was written by a former newspaper editor!):

During this recent breakfast at one of my favorite not-so-crowded cafes, Natalie's happy noises were well within the accepted range of restaurant din. Nevertheless, a few minutes after being seated at the booth behind us, a middle-aged foursome apparently took offense to the baby noises and asked the waiter to be seated across the restaurant....Again, I suppose I'm spoiled by experiences with fellow booth occupants who would normally smile and coo at my noisome infant.

For the record, here's what Howse and Preston have to say about those earlier terms:

Pan-fried - instead of being fried in an old dustbin-lid.

Serving suggestion - On the label of a prepared meal, a warning that the plate, tablecloth, and accompanying boar's head shown in the picture are not included in the small plastic container.

First invented by - The second inventor is deservedly less well known.

My personal opinion is that it should be one of the most unique books of the year, and the buzz around it in the UK should be noisome.

Hat tips: For the book, Bill Eichenberger of the Columbus Dispatch; for "noisome," Retread Ranger.