I don't know what to say about John Derbyshire, the columnist for the National Review. I really don't. He stopped in New Orleans last weekend for the first time and didn't care for it, which is totally and completely de gustibus and different strokes and whatever, but his whole column on the subject read like a parody of Niles Crane from Frasier...or, more precisely, a man who went to Tuscany and found himself disappointed at the lack of Olive Gardens:
It is, of course, grossly unfair to pass any kind of judgment on a city after a two-day visit. I’m sure New Orleans has delights I did not savor, depths I did not plumb, charms I did not perceive....
Still, I’d have to say that I found New Orleans an unattractive place. There is something lifeless about it, and that something is not altogether Katrina’s fault.
"Lifeless"?? Call it unattractive, crime-ridden, dirty, smelly, dysfunctional, or whatever other pejoratives you like, but: lifeless?
But it was this that absolutely gobsmacked me, John:
The first two tourist-promotional leaflets on the rack in our hotel lobby advertised tours of (1) a swamp, and (2) a cemetery. Derb to wife: “OK, they have swamps and cemeteries. What else have they got?”
I don't know, John. Food? Music? History? Tours? Art museums? The National World War II Museum? National parks? The Superdome? Architecture? Bookstores? Antiques?
Had you even heard of New Orleans before Hurricane Katrina?
We passed on all the tours, anyway. Swamps? — no, thanks; and a person of my generation got all the impression he needs of New Orleans cemeteries from that psychedelic scene in Easy Rider.
"The Louvre? Hell, no, we didn't go! I've seen pitchers of the Mona Lisa plenty a times!"
January 5th, the day we arrived in New Orleans, was my daughter’s fourteenth birthday, so naturally we spoiled her shamelessly all day. The spoiling consisted mostly of letting her walk around in the tourist malls down at the waterfront, occasionally buying some modest item....
It did make me feel slightly sad, though, that a bright and lively young person, taken to a city with three centuries of history stacked up, should seek out a shopping mall, of the kind that is exactly the same, with the same vendors — Brookstone, Banana Republic — as in every other mall everywhere in the USA.
John, I feel your pain. It makes me feel more than slightly sad that a writer for the National Review would come to New Orleans, "a city with three centuries of history stacked up," and then spend a day hanging out in a mall before deciding he doesn't like the town.
Your daughter is only 14. What's your excuse?
This one didn’t even have a bookstore I could hang out in. Come to think of it, I didn’t see a bookstore the whole two days poking around New Orleans.
Aside from the fact that I can think of, say, six bookstores within a few blocks of Jackson Square (including the one in the home of William Faulkner), did it ever occur to you to ask someone?
Anyway, that night the Derbyshires ended up at Arnaud's, where he was to pick up an award from a mathematicians' society (long story short: he got the time wrong and missed the award ceremony, which was the complete point of his trip), but the evening was not a total loss:
Nor was my non-mathematician standing any hindrance to some free and fun-filled conversation. Anecdotes about famous mathematicians were of course bandied about. I had not previously heard the one about Texas topologist R. H. Bing and the car windscreen....
There you have, I think, the crux of the problem. A man who categorizes jokes about the windshields of Texas topologists as "free and fun-filled conversation" is just not going to have a good time in New Orleans.
The kicker, of course, is that Derbyshire is one of those essayists who waxes rhapsodic about the glory of sea-to-shining-sea America:
Don't let anyone tell you he understands American politics if he hasn't traveled a lot in all fifty of these United States. This is a big country, and the edges are a long way from the middle.
Trust me on this, John: I won't be taking advice on anything, least of all American politics, from a man who can't even find a bookstore in New Orleans.
i'm glad to see another blogger picking up on derbyshire's tripe. nice dissection. mine (which is not nearly as polite and well-written as yours), along with a shockingly rude email response i received from derbyshire himself, is at http://swampytad.livejournal.com/31876.html.
Posted by: swampytad | January 12, 2007 at 05:40 PM
Nice read. Especially this: "for some reason, he feels it important to lead off with a statement that New Orleans is the blackest city he's ever been in."
I'm sure you caught the beginning of his essay, which mentioned the intersection of Race and Camp -- something he thought summed up the city. Seemed to be a pompous way of saying "It's nothing but Negroes and queers down there!"
Posted by: Kevin | January 12, 2007 at 06:01 PM
His photo says it all. Dorky jerky neocon. I wouldn't have to read a word of his stupid inane article.
Posted by: Marco | January 23, 2007 at 11:28 AM
What a complete moron. I have been to New Orleans twice in the last few years and have lamented how I feel like I can never do and see everything I would like to because there's so much to do and see!
Posted by: Chriso | January 23, 2007 at 05:21 PM
I've been to New Orleans twice and have found it to be MORE full of life than just about anywhere I've ever been. This Derbyshire fellow sounds like a real uptight, close-minded prick.
Posted by: ham | January 24, 2007 at 08:29 AM
The worst part of this article for me was the imnference that Paul Gailunas and Helen Hill had it coming for their liberal naievety.
Why do republicans have such a difficult time understanding altruism? It's like they are missing a human chromosome or something.
Posted by: Jonah | January 24, 2007 at 03:01 PM
I'm glad you posted a picture. It really explains it all about this jackass. The stuff he said about Helen and Paul was beyond idiotic; it was disrespectful to Helen's memory. I hope he comes to realize what an awful person he is before it's too late. This dude really needs a visit from the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future.
Posted by: Dagazzi | January 24, 2007 at 10:48 PM
Thanks for all the comments. Jonah and Dagazzi hit upon his sneering attitude toward Helen Hill and her husband, which I also found odd.
From the little I know about Derbyshire's politics, I'd think he'd subscribe to the 1000-points-of-light model of helping the poor, rather than waiting for government to do it. Yet when someone who's actually helping people gets murdered in an unrelated incident, Derbyshire connects it to her altruism and concludes, basically, "That'll learn ya."
As far as the picture: I didn't set out to be unflattering. It came directly from his website.
Posted by: Kevin | January 25, 2007 at 09:11 AM
There's someone who doesn't deserve to be able to afford a plane ticket.
Posted by: Rabbit | January 27, 2007 at 05:16 PM
Derb needs to get another smackdown from Bruce Lee (Fast Forward to roughly the 1:05-1:10 mark):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yy1sQo0hHs8
Posted by: Michael | February 05, 2007 at 10:15 AM
Great job, Kevin.
So, anybody got a good punchline:
"Alan Richman and John Derbyshire walk into a bar ..."
Posted by: Michael | February 05, 2007 at 12:04 PM